A continuing informational series by the publishers of "To Be Perfectly Frank."
This entry in the "Why Al Qaeda Hates Us" series is particularly troublesome. Unlike #1, Paris Hilton, with whom you can simply turn off the TV; or #23, Oakland Raider Fans, to whom you can simply hand a non-screw top beer bottle and they're effectively out of commission for 20-30 minutes while they figure things out, with #37 an encounter usually presents itself suddenly and without mechanism for mitigation.
#37 is really a head scratcher, because along with being an assault on your sensibilities it leaves a person wondering "what were they thinking?" #37 attacks without warning, and can leave a parent very uncomfortable questions to answer.
An encounter with #37 usually unfolds like this:
The setting is a family sedan or mini-van on a under-engineered overcrowded 2-lane highway (imagine the 76 between I-15 and Olive Hill Road.)
For our narrative, the fictional family will be played by Angelina Jolie as "Mom," Brad Pitt as "Dad," Matt Azevedo as 17 year old boy, and Paula Azevedo as 5 year old girl.
Mom: "Oh No!'
Son: "What's up mom?"
Daughter: "Mommy?"
Dad: "Hush guys! I'm listening to Leo Laporte!"
Mom: "Close your eyes, kids!"
Son: "What's up ?!?!"
Mom: "Brad open your eyes!"
(Dad opens his eyes and gets back on his side of the road.)
Daughter: "Can we get Chicken Nuggets™?"
(Son now notices what's bothering mom.)
Son: "Bwahahaha that truck has Balls!"
Daughter: "DADDY, I'M SCARED!"
The rest is far to gruesome to share here. But yes, what we're talking about is entry #37 in why Al Qaeda hates us.
Truck Nutz
(I'll let that sink in a little bit)
Yes, Truck Nutz
Available in both natural flesh tones, and in brass (get it?) these fake (an appropriate euphemism escapes me at the moment - fill in your own) attach to the unused trailer hitch of your vehicle and endows the vehicle with (again insert your own euphemism.)
What thought process goes into the decision to place these things on your vehicle? The following picture underscores the notion that most likely none at all because of the driver's inability to drum up a sober thought.
In my research for this post I was amazed at the amount of crossover between people showing up in Truck Nutz pictures and showing up on the http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ website.
When I was a kid this was the picture of America's Mom & Dad's
Unfortunately for far too many this is mom and dad now:
And that is another reason Al Qaeda hates us.
FA
1 comments:
I have to say, I believe you are correct, sir. You speak the truth.
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